Friday, July 3, 2009
When in/at Panama
When you go "home" for a visit despite not having lived in that city for at least 35 years, you will almost always meet someone you knew but it's so much better when that happens and there is genuine pleasure and even an element of surprise in the meeting. Last night out to dinner with Mom and family friends, I met someone who I had the most occasion to see when he was a little boy. Aside from no immediate recognition on my part (how on earth could he know this much older version of me??) when my brain finally did catch up to what I had already known- he was a married father- I still found it a touch surreal that here he was with his wife talking about their daughters travel plans while I was still getting used to the time warp that surely must be at the root of his 'catching up' to his sister and me in terms of growing up! Youngest brothers adored by older sisters cannot remain little boys forever but there was something special about this 'adult' little brother and that mysterious 'something' brought me back to a time when everything was ahead and regrets were for the mostpart innane and few. I think that meeting this young couple has made me appreciate how lucky I am. My regret chart isn't full yet and I still have much to look forward to. All lessons aside though, as I said, it is always much better to run into someone you are truly happy to re-meet, and so it was for me last night.
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Hey there! Was this little brother ever surprised to discover that our brief reunion last night gave rise to such interesting reflections on the passage of time, nostalgia, mortality, regret and the ever-present possibility for meaningful exchange. Funny thing is my memory is usually terrible and its failure is typically an occasion for me to have to acknowledge yet again the sorry state of my soul as a result of repressions still needing to be undone and worked through. But sometimes you have a moment in which you've achieved a sense of inner wholeness and you find yourself able to spontaneously remember all kinds of things, such as the name of that woman walking by your table in a restaurant, your older sister's best friend when you were a little kid, forty odd years ago. I guess memories come when you least expect them. What gifts they are, so full of encouragement.
When they do come, the memories are full of hope too, aren't they?
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