Dad, Not Just For Father's Day

Thirteen years ago last month our family lost its co-creator and although we had often heard/used that popular phrase, "time heals all etc.etc." thankfully, we never really had to test it out before. Suddenly the "allest" of wounds was upon us and we found ourselves clinging to the hope that time would indeed prevail and save us from the pain that we could not even fathom let alone discuss amongst ourselves on that day in 1995 and/or in the weeks, months and years that followed. We had been so well trained in the art of minimalism with regards to complaining or bemoaning any personally perceived injustice that we simply did not know how to deal with the gaping chasm that now seemed to be a permanent part of the fabric that made up our family. We had to learn how to be a different kind of family, and that took inordinate amounts of time and effort, not to master, just to be. Our family was like a rudderless ship, a vessel without its captain minus an anchor and though we are so blessed to have Mom our safe harbour, we found being witness to her loss almost too much to bear. Although I cannot pinpoint the specific year, I do remember the first time a 'Daddy' memory did not cause that desperate sense of loss that seemed to be my shadow everytime I thought of him, missed him, quoted him or tried to do things in a way that would have made him proud. I worried about Mom, my siblings and the grandchildren because as the eldest I thought that Dad would have expected no less of me. How I wondered could there still be that incredible drive within all of us to please a man who could no longer express the boundless joy and pride that he took in his family and their endeavours . We were driven to heal in the old school way, Dad's way, mostly on our own and with a hefty dash of stoicism to boot until that one day when surprisingly, we were able to talk about him again. It seemed that we had gotten all our memories back, and when that happened it was almost like having Dad back too. His birthdays were celebrated once more and Father's Day was no longer an occasion from which we felt excluded. Granted, no more ties, gloves, teeshirts, golf clubs, baseball caps, pajamas, pens, sweaters, bathrobes, socks, etc. were purchased for our father, but with each passing Father's Day we somehow got another tiny piece of him back. We remember that no one mattered more to him than we four, and I think we have managed to pass that on to our children. We remember how he would drop anything and everything if we needed him and today we are the same with his grandchildren. No one ever loved or believed in us more than Dad and now we stand firmly behind our sons and daughters encouraging and fully believing in them. I never looked for those unique qualities in anyone believing that when Dad was made they threw away the mold, but I was only partly correct because those qualities live and breathe in my three sibs, I just never really saw them until Dad was gone. As another Father's Day approaches, although I will forever miss my Daddy who claimed to be the "luckiest father in the whole world" I am so so grateful to Mom who said yes to a champion in life and love.