Playing The Latest Numbers

The roster has grown and now includes numbers 4 and 5! This is quite a commendable tally especially when one considers the seeds that needed sowing with such care before any reaping could occur. It is definitely reaping time now and yet again the dilemma will be in how you cope with a double harvest when your 'farming' time is so limited. Although I dislike excuses and normally would not recommend that you give in to storytelling, under these specific circumstances you may want to try the old " sorry but I have a plane to catch, I'm off to Spain and will soon be running with the bulls", so I really do need to keep this meeting brief..........................
I am quite sure that this will work.

Bon Voyage!!!

The New Frontier

You may think that you are standing at a precipice because it suddenly feels as though you are on the verge of tumbling head first right into the abyss if you take a wrong step. There are no maps to follow (not covered on Mapquest) so basically you believe that you are totally on your own but this could not be farther from the truth. Just because a physical presence is absent does not mean that you have been left high and dry. You need only summon the essence of the one who has left or those you have left, and when you do, you will step right back into the very aura you think has evaporated. If you have reason to lament a farewell, then you have the power to bring back precisely those 'things' you are so certain you will miss. Granted, their states will be greatly altered but they will nevertheless have the ability to give you what you need when you most need it.You will find that each journey taken, is only partially like an expedition to a new and unfamiliar frontier. Each time you venture forth, you will be armed with all those 'things' you have lived, learned and loved on your previous voyages so the more you travel, the more goodbyes you have to say, the stronger you become. Humility is what feeds our sense of trepidation and reluctance for change even as we know deep down that almost every change is for the best. There are reasons for everything and that includes why people's circles interconnect. Once you determine that those mysteriously special connections NEVER disconnect, you will move steadily along your next path with barely a tear or a backward glance, you don't even have to say goodbye again.

The New Guy

We met our incoming head honcho today and he seems just fine. Everyone has more or less calmed down yet there is still a deep dark shade of blue that has invaded our workplace. We are so clearly experiencing that little known but powerful phenomenon known as workplace angst. It has become apparent that we are not simply losing our boss, we are actually losing a very unusual man who has managed to guide us not by weilding the power of his title, but by offering to share his expertise and knowledge as well as his friendship. When you have the incredible good fortune of working with a person who makes you a vital part of the daily work routine, you are not surprisingly reluctant to see him go but you are inspired to try really hard to handle this tremendous upheaval in order to make his departure as painless for him as possible. Knowing that he leaves behind him shoes that at best can be described as verrrrry large, you can only hope that the new "kid" on the block has flexible feet which will after a certain time, grow to be a near perfect fit for the shoes of a master!.

The Last Dance

Although I love music and dancing I am a far better listener that I am a dancer unless you count the Cha Cha. Once a year at our pre-summer dinner dance I get to kick up my old heels and thanks to an impeccable partner, I actually look like a real dancer. My partner is such an incredible dancer that all eyes focus on him and by osmosis the few that shift their gaze in my direction are totally fooled into believing that I am on the same level as he is. I however know the truth and that is that my dancing is very much like the emperor's new clothes; simply not there! My partner for these past 4 years has been my boss and when we began our once a year ritual, it was because I didn't know how to politely refuse without looking like a complete chicken so I tried hard to overcome what I knew to be the fear of showing my colleagues how bad a dancer I really am. Once I conquered my demons, I found that there could be joy where I had least expected it. I will always be grateful for this unexpected gift, and tonight after our last dance, I have to admit that this is yet another thing I will miss when he goes.

The Transfer

What do you do when you return from two days away from work to find that your boss is to be transferred? The thing is, do you do the generous/generic "right" thing when you respond as in "good for you every change is a good change", or in a case where you actually LIKE your boss do you give in to the strong urge to break into loud sobbing and wallow in self pity under a cloud of dark thoughts? Maybe the powers that be have designed these transfers to weed out the weak and if this is true, the transfer thus becomes a barometer by which YOUR abilities are to be assessed: will employee "X" be able to handle this change or crack under the pressure that comes with breaking in a new administrator? If the transfer is not necessarily something you wanted to see happen, then for self-preservation purposes it is most likely that you will have to do the best acting job of your life. Considering that you must maintain at least the appearance of strength and control you will choose to smile and say all the normal things you are expected to say like: "of course it will be odd to come into work everyday and see a STRANGER in your office", or perhaps you'll go with the old "this place will never be the same once you leave" , or the often used "that's great news I wish you all the best in your new location". You will never reveal what you are really thinking because that just wouldn't be professional would it? How bad would you look if you threw yourself at his/her knees and begged them to stay? How crazy would it sound if you said that you can't see how you will ever again feel as good about going to work as you do when he/she runs the show? You will simply have to get a grip and stop being so selfish. When you understand that your boss wants this transfer which brings him/her closer to home and family you will simply have to say "thanks": for all the years of generous leadership and unlimited support, for always trying to make things better, for affording us so many opportunities to learn and finally, you will say thanks for being our fearless leader.

The Resurrection

Numbers one and three have risen again so it's back to the mixed grab bag for our fearless dater. Number One however has undergone a name change and will from now on be known as Sparky, while Number Three retains her original moniker! How now will our dating hero make his ultimate decision? Will any bamboo be involved? It is hoped that he will be at least a bit cautious where Sparky is concerned, and more flexible with Number Three. For now the score is Sparky two points, won on Saturday, the universal date night, over dinner and a romantic stroll? which may just be a sign that the tides have turned and you are back in like Flynn, while Number Three waits patiently? for her day in the sun (and her points)not at all aware that she just may have already become one of the fish on the salmon run. Only time and the upcoming birthday will tell how she fares in her upstream battle. Will sparks fly on the 19th? Will green be the colour du jour? Stay tuned and Happy Birthday.

I'm Going Fishing!

After hearing the joys of fishing extolled via a myriad of descriptors which always seem to be male generated, ( "the gentlemen's sport " ) I have decided to see what all the fuss is about or if in fact there really is anything to make a fuss over. I have been advised by a near pro fisherman that I must have a license, so I have secured one and as I write, my waders, rod,(staff!!!!) net and tackle box stand at the ready by the front door, I am sooo prepared. I do have one minor concern; I love to talk, sometimes too much and I wonder if my fishing crew will be as happy to have me in the stern of the boat once we get there. I suspect it takes a special fisherman to smile when he finds himself in the middle of a small lake surrounded by schools of fish and perhaps too many syllables. My 'rockin' fishing hat is not only going to keep the harmful rays at bay, but it is sure to be the perfect showcase for the new fishing pins that I just HAD to have. I may even decide to design and market a line of semi precious fishing ornaments for those discerning fishing lovers who have seen the wisdom in maintaining a jewelry fund!!

A Bachelor Again? Still?

When considering your status it is always important to be as honest with yourself as you possibly can before you make any life changes or poor decisions. Spend some quality time with the new you, ALONE, and if after six months, or six weeks (depending on how much time you need to do it right) you really believe that you have succeeded in reinventing yourself then by all means go ahead and proclaim your bachelorhood for all to hear but you are advised to remember that it is not always enough to simply "like" yourself because that is not a guarantee that you are totally prepared. If however you enjoy your own company AND you are absolutely fine with "alone" time, then maybe you are ready. At this point, it will matter little whether Sparky or Number Three have designated you as a "keeper" because you will be the one who decides who, what, where, when and how which is certainly the best of all possibilities.

Father's Day Postscript

All (but one) of your chickens have flown the coop and the one that remains is on holiday so what's a dad to do for dad's day? You decide that two out of three ain't bad so you invite your hatchlings for an afternoon barbecue. You do a nice sized supermarket shop and squeeze in a ball game all before your children are due to arrive; you are oranized, not exactly a dad quality but then you are after all no ordinary dad, you are a dad against the grain. At the last minute you find out that your daughter misread her work schedule and had to be at work at the precise time the barbecue was to have begun while your son upon hearing that his sister was going to be a no show decided that he'd not be coming either. This is where your against the grainness kicked into high gear. Instead of feeling blue, getting "lips", and/or eating all the food yourself, you wisely decided to freeze the feast and postpone the celebration until all three of your babies are available. Most men would not be as flexible but because you are secure in the knowledge that your children so love you each and every day of the year, you can hold Father's Day whenever you like because for you, any/everyday is Father's Day.

Dad's Rules For Dating

It goes without saying that our father's rules for his daughters' dating lives differed greatly from what he expected of his sons. When my sister and I tried to gain some parity with our brothers, it was always a no go.


For Les Girls


1. No key to the house till you're 17 (Ring the bell, Dad will answer) (He mostly answered except for the times he slept so soundly he did not hear the bell)

2. Do not come home pregnant (this was an edict issued on a first date to an in house coed party when we were 12!)

3. No boys to call us on the phone after 8:00pm.

4. No going out with any boys who did not come to the front door to collect us

5. No dating at all before the prospective beau sat down for "the" chat in the tall backed 'interview' chair in the living-room

6. No dancing cheek to cheek especially at family celebrations or Dad would simply dance/follow you around the dance floor with Mom in his arms

7. No pdas.

8. Curfew ALWAYS non-negotiable

9. No make-up

10. No boys at home unless parents were there too

In later years one rule was added:

11. If after an interview Dad offered the young man in question a drink, and his offer was accepted, Dad served the drink and announced that the suitor was probably an alcoholic and therefore entirely unsuitable.


For Les Boys


1. Do you have your key?


2. Do you need the car?


3. Don't forget to fill up the tank if you do a lot of driving


4. Have fun and see you in the morning



Note to my brothers who found our rules quite humorous: It is very clear that Dad loved us more because he gave us way more rules and regs!






Happy Father's Day to the man who always kept us safe, WE were the luckiest.

Ten Things I Learned

When we are very young, our 'real' and 'true' education begins. (NOT the one at school!!) We learn many things from our parents (if we're lucky) long before we get to the "life" lessons that kick in in earnest almost as soon as we leave home. If you go way way back in time and try to compress all the lessons learned at parents' knees into a top ten list, the task will surely turn out to be a bit daunting to say the least, it did for me. I list ours here, in no particular order.

1. Family comes first, ALWAYS

2. LOVE
3. Don't ever lie to yourself

4. Find at least one hour in every twenty four, just for you
5. Don't be a quitter

6. You do not need a lot of friends and you are lucky if you have one GOOD one

7. Read Read Read, learn forever and always know what's going on in the world

8. Be kind and considerate, never selfish

9. Exercise Exercise Exercise: Play golf, tennis swim do archery, gymnastics, ski, (water and downhill )take Taekwondo, boxing, wrestling, roller and ice skate, toboggan, play basketball in the driveway, swim, lift weights, do push-ups, play ping-pong nightly etc.etc.

10. Always try your best and don't let anyone tell you that you can't

Dad, Not Just For Father's Day

Thirteen years ago last month our family lost its co-creator and although we had often heard/used that popular phrase, "time heals all etc.etc." thankfully, we never really had to test it out before. Suddenly the "allest" of wounds was upon us and we found ourselves clinging to the hope that time would indeed prevail and save us from the pain that we could not even fathom let alone discuss amongst ourselves on that day in 1995 and/or in the weeks, months and years that followed. We had been so well trained in the art of minimalism with regards to complaining or bemoaning any personally perceived injustice that we simply did not know how to deal with the gaping chasm that now seemed to be a permanent part of the fabric that made up our family. We had to learn how to be a different kind of family, and that took inordinate amounts of time and effort, not to master, just to be. Our family was like a rudderless ship, a vessel without its captain minus an anchor and though we are so blessed to have Mom our safe harbour, we found being witness to her loss almost too much to bear. Although I cannot pinpoint the specific year, I do remember the first time a 'Daddy' memory did not cause that desperate sense of loss that seemed to be my shadow everytime I thought of him, missed him, quoted him or tried to do things in a way that would have made him proud. I worried about Mom, my siblings and the grandchildren because as the eldest I thought that Dad would have expected no less of me. How I wondered could there still be that incredible drive within all of us to please a man who could no longer express the boundless joy and pride that he took in his family and their endeavours . We were driven to heal in the old school way, Dad's way, mostly on our own and with a hefty dash of stoicism to boot until that one day when surprisingly, we were able to talk about him again. It seemed that we had gotten all our memories back, and when that happened it was almost like having Dad back too. His birthdays were celebrated once more and Father's Day was no longer an occasion from which we felt excluded. Granted, no more ties, gloves, teeshirts, golf clubs, baseball caps, pajamas, pens, sweaters, bathrobes, socks, etc. were purchased for our father, but with each passing Father's Day we somehow got another tiny piece of him back. We remember that no one mattered more to him than we four, and I think we have managed to pass that on to our children. We remember how he would drop anything and everything if we needed him and today we are the same with his grandchildren. No one ever loved or believed in us more than Dad and now we stand firmly behind our sons and daughters encouraging and fully believing in them. I never looked for those unique qualities in anyone believing that when Dad was made they threw away the mold, but I was only partly correct because those qualities live and breathe in my three sibs, I just never really saw them until Dad was gone. As another Father's Day approaches, although I will forever miss my Daddy who claimed to be the "luckiest father in the whole world" I am so so grateful to Mom who said yes to a champion in life and love.

Being Naughty

Recently someone very close to me mentioned to me thay he had been "naughty" and unfortunately I knew exactly what he meant by those words. I asked if he had shared this revelation with his girlfriend of 3 years and naturally he had not. This is where my moral/ethics barometer kicked in and I found myself telling him that although what he does is his own business, the minute he forms a secret alliance with another woman who is aware of the existance of his girlfriend yet the girlfriend is totally in the dark about the OTHER woman, he is on the wrong path, no matter how you slice it. I think anyone can handle infidelity if and when they have to, and while it is always painful and never easy to deal with, at least the sense of betrayal would be somewhat less devastating when you are not a double recipient of deceit. There is no reason to add insult to injury by choosing to confide in the NEW (or sometimes rediscovered) paramour especially when you know deep down that there is only one person who deserves your total honesty, and that is ALWAYS the person who afforded you theirs, NEVER the one you have been "naughty" with.

The Letter

You receive a letter from someone you have not heard from in 37 years and the first thing you think is how odd that your address has not changed in these many years thus making it possible for that letter to reach you, what are the odds? Then you wonder why this person is SUDDENLY trying to get in touch. You have a return address but do not immediately sit down to pen a response; instead you ruminate a bit and try to locate the memories that are still somewhere in your head although truth be told you have not given this person so much as a thought in 37 years. You organize the memories and decide that it would be ok to write a brief note but you are cognizant of the fact that you do not feel like doing the big reveal so you compose a friendly but vague letter of your own. You really have no reason to suspect that the "letter" you received has any ulterior motives attached to it yet you are for some reason still reticent to say too much and I think that you are also not that curious to find out too much either. When is it that we get to be secretive with those who were once privy to our innermost thoughts? Is it self protection/preservation that impels us or something else entirely? When the memories are 95% good, perhaps the veil of secrecy should be pulled aside and if that is possible. then it just might be ok to re-find a long lost friend.

Friday Night Oudoor Jazz In The City

The plan is for the Three Amigos to take advantage of the free musical feast available downtown tonight. In theory, these seem like fine arrangements until we acknowledge the fatigue factor, that weekly mega dose of bone tiredness that nearly overwhelms us come the end of every work week. Add to that our intense dislike of crowds, a temperature of 32 degrees (without the humidex!) and you have the perfect blueprint for failed plans or....you could try the following. Go directly home to your A/C and after you've showered, settle down for a mini rest or a power nap. You'd be surprised at how well you can revive, and it may even be just enough to allow you to put your plans into effect after all. If you do it right not only will you be able to get out on a Friday night, but you will not spend the entire evening yawning and wondering how you allowed yourself to be lured away from home and comfy bed. The only problem that may arise is how to get back to sleep when you finally roll in in the wee wee hours after having had an amazing night with awesome friends. No cure for that as yet....

The Afterthought Phonecall

When you have been the victim of an uncermonious "kiss off" which was executed in a less than mannerly fashion, do you honestly think that the perpetrator deserves to have her case reopened and heard simply because she has phoned in a semi quasi remorseful toned "explanation"? What could the kissoffer possibly have to say that you might want to hear? It should be of no concern to you at all if the guilty party acted in haste and now that no one is knocking on her door, is rethinking? her actions. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to decide whether or not you will grant her so much as the time of day. You have a myriad of options available to you, and none of them include rehashing a lousy and less than honest goodbye. You might consider revisiting Number 2 who you lost in the winnowing process, but whose honesty quotient is just where you'd like it to be, or you may choose to become the consummate fisherman which just may be the best way to go. This would entail forgetting about everyone who was a part of this "fishing" expedition, going to a sporting goods store to buy the latest fishing gear, making sure the bait is in its prime, renting a seaworthy craft and going fishing again!

Home On The Range

After having been part of a family and living with parents, siblings, children, husbands and/or wives FOREVER, if you suddenly find yourself on your own you will most likely fall into one of the following two categories; you will either be pretty comfortable with yourself and therefore happy on your own, or you will no longer know who you are and this will result in your never wanting to go "home" because you do not think that you are great company for yourself. Instead of connecting all your inner dots you become a master procrastinator. You may go out to a pub near where you work and end up staying until last call, you might go to a dance club and and before the night is over you're enrolling in a weekly class, perhaps you attend innumerable baseball games and don't leave till the clean up crew comes in to "sweep" the diamond or worst of all you turn into a digruntled then disillusioned serial dater. Instead of all this frenzied activity and too many late nights, why not just bite the bullet and spend some time solo, start getting to know the person that you have become . You might be surprised to discover that you are excellent company for yourself and when you do, you will come to understand that contrary to what you thought, being alone does not have to mean being lonely. You will see why living on your own in a cozy happy nest that you have feathered, is an awesome place to be because it's your home, whether or not it's on the range!

Don't Be Led Down The Garden Path By The Wrong Person

Just when you figure that you have a handle on the dating thing and you believe that you are on the verge of a new relationship, you find that you are in reality on the precipice of a break up even before you get out of the gate. I am not certain, but I suspect that you would have avoided this unsavoury episode had you mastered your "guide" and taken from it all that you needed. It is probably true that as a proactive measure, the guide should never leave your side in order for you to reap its full benefits for those 'just in case moments' that have a way of appearing when we least expect them. For now, you can only wonder how it is that you missed the tangling vines and weeds as you strolled down the path and perhaps question how you missed the lessons demonstrated by Alice when she followed the Mad Hatter!

Yoga For Seniors At Night (DMN)

Long ago I was introduced to yoga and while initially the thought of becoming the requisite contortionist did not appeal much, I did manage to stick with it for about a year and always assumed that at some point later on, I'd return to once again twist myself into various versions of a pretzel because it was after all good exercise. Now, many moons later I went to see a class demonstration for seniors fully expecting a room full of peppy over 60 yoga wannabes in any number of ackward positions but I was way off the mark. The room was calm and quiet, radiating a low low low energy which was actually just a step above comatose. Nobody had broken a sweat (a total anomaly in a "regular" yoga class) and there was absolutely no moaning and groaning (another yoga anomaly). This is perhaps due to the fact that there was barely any movement at all unless you count the airy wide circled waving in the air of 48 arms. Each of the 24 people had their little yoga mats and hand towels but the hand towels were being used as pillows strategically placed under graying heads as their owners tried first to bend their knees (post replacement?) then extend their legs. (this looked nothing like the leg extensions I have known but did look a lot like stretching out and preparing to go to sleep) Eyes were closed and once the waving and knee bending stopped, and if the faint chanting in the background could be ignored, the room took on the definite appearance of a retirement home dormitory in the middle of the night. Yoga for seniors at night is just like a hot toddy!