New/Old

After years of only cursory contact, I have recently begun to see (again) someone whom I knew well eons ago and I am amazed at how easy it was to rekindle a past friendship. What has proved even more remarkable is that although essentially ours is an old friendship, what we have now is both new and familiar as opposed to old and stale. We never run out of things to discuss and it seems perfectly natural that today after a rather lengthy hiatus we manage to speak to or see each other often simply because we have both made a choice to find a place for"us" which is something that for one reason or another we stopped doing some 13 years ago. We are clearly not the same people we were then, but I like to think that today, we are the truest versions of ourselves. We are more patient, we listen better, we can be totally honest without fear of repercussion or judgement, we are kinder, we can laugh at way more things, and we are grateful for this second chance.

The Baby's Room

Tucked away in a bright cozy corner room on the second level of the house is the green and orange haven created for Baby N. by his parents and family. The oval white crib on wheels waits quietly for its very special passenger who will certainly develop an early love of travel as he is wheeled between Mom'n Dad's room and the nursery. He will never see the excited anticipation in the faces of his parents but those of us who have seen it, will tell him. When he arrives, he will take his rightful place within the family and he will know from day one, how loved he is. The care and joy that went into the planning of his room will be as obvious to him as it is to us. This baby's room is perfect! It is beautiful, ready and waits only for him in order to truly come to life.

Go Home!

Although it has often been said that you 'can never go home again' I think that it is in fact quite possible to do. Perhaps you are not too thrilled about revisiting places from your past because of the memories you know will resurface and this is probably due to the fact that you believe on some intellectual level, that these are better left tucked away in the recesses of your mind. I find it interesting that the very memories we try to keep at bay are often the ones we need to revisit so we probably should be brave and take those trips back to wherever. We will hopefully be able to see 'home' through 'new' eyes thus lessening the potential power of any unhappy or painful past recollections and strengthening the original love that used to draw us back with such a magnetic force. While it is true that we will miss seeing certain people, we need never let that 'missing' altar the way we feel about 'home'. Remember that 'everything old is new again' so when we have the good fortune to re-meet those with whom we had lost touch, we come to the realization that these new/old relationships are the perfect antidote to the reluctance that sometimes precedes a visit to the past. If you are really lucky, you will manage to create new, strong and happy memories that will keep you coming back to your special place with a lighter heart.

Golf With Mom

I doubt that there are kids anywhere as lucky as my sibs and I because we have the most amazing mom. No visible signs of aging and no noticeable decline of energy despite the advancing years. As odd as it may seem, we four have trouble keeping up with her as do her many grandchildren who range in age from 10-27 years old. No amount of pre dinner prepping in front of the mirror results in our looking as beautiful or well put together as our mom so we don't even go there. We play golf every weekday with our stunning and classy mother who can still out drive and out putt while looking like a movie star and it is not at all surprising that Mom still turns heads wherever she goes, even at the golf course! On the wooded fairways and in the hushed silence that is our golfing milieu Mom points out the wild flowers, the natural springs and the waterlillies with the same appreciation as when she tells us to listen to the frogs at the water hole whose croaking does indeed sound like guitar twangs. Mom can still spot the wild raspberry bushes and for some reason they taste way better when she picks them. Mom is our own personal golf pro as she suggests which clubs to use for certain trickier shots and is always ready with helpful hints on how to avoid the sand traps. Now that we too are parents we can easily see in our golfing Mom yet another dimension although she manages a seamless extension of her skills as a mother. She has always encouraged, praised and taught, so it is not at all hard to understand why golf with Mom is not simply a game that is fun and competitive. Golf with our mom is the 'green' cup without the flag, but full of love.

Nothing To Say, Nothing To Hide, No Reason To Call

You have cut her loose..finally, and instead of seeking her out you must remember all the reasons that prompted you to let her go and stay far far away. There could have been someone who told you to jettison the one who you had been with for a pretty long time, and you decided to follow the strong suggestion, or you figured out that a two or three timing life wasn't a valuable or productive use of your time so you cut the expendable. The reasons matter little but what does matter is how you adjust to no more freedom then you ever had before. You mistakenly assumed that your activities were in danger of being curtailed and perhaps/hopefully now you are actually able to see that that just wasn't the case, you were soooooo wrong. Nothing and/or no one can ever stand in the way of you getting all that you think you want. Inasmuch as you have wiped out your last relationship you have absolutely no reason to maintain contact of any kind with her and should be concentrating on having your life exactly where you decided you need it to be, without her. Wipeout is the same as erasing and is therefore permanent. There is nothing to worry about either. All wounds heal and people move on to where they were meant to go. When you have nothing left to offer and no regrets, it would be the most honest and selfless thing to ask someone to go and then to actually let them do so.

On Becoming An Actor

How do you handle someone's declining memory without letting them know that you know their saddest of secrets? It is certainly a challenge to pretend that all is 'normal' when there are so many things that happen which show you that this is as far away from the truth as we are from the moon and stars. It occurs to me that it is perhaps a good strategy to behave like Sarah Bernhardt and give daily performances that are Oscar worthy so that you never tip your hand and reveal what it is that you know. Hopefully the acting will get easier with each passing occasion and your heart will hurt less after you have several 'good' performances under your belt. This is a harder than any audition you might have to endure because without even trying you've gotten the part, the role is yours for as long as it needs to be. There will be no nights or weekends off, no understudy will step in, and you are not at all prepared. You have no script to read from, no director to tell you where your mark is and you do not want to know about the last act. The only thing to say to yourself at this point is;

Break A Leg!

Jazz In The Rain

For the second year in a row you become one with the moving wall of people who like you love being outdoors on the streets of the big city humming, swaying and dancing to the 'surround sound' music from the bandshells that dot the perimeter of the 'jazz' area. You have taken nothing for granted weatherwise and are armed with your trusty plasic outer covering in case of rain, but with the sun shining and the promise of continuing summer-like weather you suddenly decide to throw caution and pessimism to the wind and you leave your plastic rain protectors in the car, just this once. You have the best seats/stands in the HOUSE when the first bolt of lightening brightens the sky and as blue fades instantly to a gray/black you continue to listen to the music which is fine despite the unheralded addition of the loud thunder claps. As the heavy rain begins to pour down you scramble for cover and join a new wall of people under the eaves of a large theatre. The mood continues to be upbeat and as you knew it would the rainfall ceases leaving a darkened evening sky and multi luminated puddles that glow in colour reflected from the lights still flashing on the stages. You bravely reassume the position and make an executive decision not to return to the car to fetch your rain gear. Jazz in the rain is still perfect!