Moving

When you downsize you are apt to become pretty proud of yourself in terms of how you have managed to rid your day to day living of any and all flotsam and make do with much less in a considerably smaller living space. What happens when you have to move again is nothing short of astounding. You prepare the boxes, newspapers, tape gun and Sharpie pens pretty secure in the knowledge that this move will be a breeze since you have after all pared everything way way down. Then you get down to it only to find that you have yet again amassed countless useless pieces of whatever and as the mountain of packed boxes grows higher you wonder how you will fit it all into the new place and still have room to circumnavigate. You begin to worry about the movers as you seem to be way over the estimated amount of cardboard you've contracted for. You fleetingly think that perhaps the best move would be to purchase pretty sheets with which to top those boxes and contemplate turning the new place into a mini cafe with numerous small square tables..but no, there is no escaping the inevitable; you must simply begin the downsizing process again and pray for there to be no more moves on your horizon.

Old Neighbours

Fourty years go by in the blink of an eye then suddenly a name from your distant past has the power to pull you back..way back, and you find yourself awash in childhood memories; threads that somehow have woven themselves into the very fabric of your life though the needlework must have been done by brilliant invisible elves whose nimble fingers seem to have sewed so fast and furiously that you never even noticed any work going on. Now when you look back you see that the masterful stitches have left an unbelieveable product which can only truly be appreciated by the characters who inhabit the tapestry that is your life. Seldom do we get a second chance to revisit a magical childhood and retrace our footsteps along those amazing streets of long ago.
The fact that you get another chance to once more stand beside one of those with whom you share a significant part of your past is the best gift of all.

How You Say Goodbye

Much has been written about leavetaking but in all that has been said is there ever a perfect way to say goodbye? The permanence alone makes it necessary that you opt to bid your adieus after careful consideration and not off the cuff because a) it won't stick or b)you will not do justice to your particular goodbye, neither of which should be an option if goodbye is what you truly need to say.
The best and kindest way is probably calmly and without emotion which is far easier to do on the phone than face to face and via email is no option at all. The telephone scenario works well so long as no discussion ensues because this can only cause an escalation of things and that can never be good. A short almost upbeat phone call can be the perfect out you are looking for. Should you choose the 'in person' route be certain to announce your upcoming visit or you may find yourself ringing a doorbell that no one answers though you can plainly see the person through their semi closed blinds. If she/he knows it is you and has any inkling as to your intent do not be surprised if they choose not to receive you. This leads back to the phone option. You may believe that this method is too impersonal but in the end you may have no choice but to say what you mean to say on a voicemail recording. If this is your only option, take it for I beleve this to be the lesser of all evils. You say what you need to say and though the conversation is one sided there is nothing to defend. Perhaps the best part of all is that your goodbye is mercifully brief (you only have so much time allotted on a recording)ergo more succint and not at all inappropriate.

No Committment Please

What to do if your dilemma du jour is that you are in a semi/quasi relationship which as it turns out is precisely what you want? How do you convince the other 'key' player that a peripheric participation is perfectly fine and what's more, all that you wish to have? No easy way it would seem because this is not the "norm" and as such is rather difficult for the 'average' person to accept as a truth. How much personal energy do you feel you care to expend in the effort of convincing? It is odd that you even have to explain beyond the actual words you apply to convey your intent, but persuasion takes on a new meaning when you find yourself in the dubious position of having to do just that. If you care, you might consider putting forth a herculean effort to convincingly make your case and make it good. You must transform yourself into an expert on new age relationships and you might even be called upon to give concrete evidence supporting your views. You become your own attorney, painstakingly building your case all the while taking extra care to plug any and all possible holes that 'the other' might use as leverage to derail you from your chosen course. If you do your duedilligence, you should finally get what it is you want but perhaps not before exhausting all possible protests and cries of 'foul!'for which you must be on the lookout and remain ever vigilant. There will be no 'woe is me, alas and alack' but there will be a case hard fought and won.

The Eyes Have It

For the last 20 odd years of his life my dad was blind. It's funny how he, our most prolific teacher of life's curriculum, covered every area except for that one. Consequently I can look back and see clearly that I was never made privy to the basics of a life without sight. He never complained, never lamented and never blamed, he also never really described what he actually did see (hues, shadows the vaguest of forms etc.etc.)so recently when I experienced a few hours of 'white' blindness a a result of a test, my thoughts naturally turned to him and the wondering began. If I upon facing a potential ocular problem could be so freaked, how did he ever get used to it enough to take in in his stride? While I in my brief (but too long for me!)moment of fright could not adjust to what I knew was temporary, he seemed to handle it all without 'batting an eye'. This leads me to conclude that his philosophy must have been a nod to that old tune, 'Que Sera' so if that was good enough for him, no retina specialist's words should be powerful enough to knock me for a loop, or cause me to deviate from a tried and true credo. No matter what, the fact that it worked for Dad is proof positive that my only option is to follow (not blindly) suit.

Last Thanksgiving

If you recognize the powerful tug that memories have on your heart strings, it will not surprise you that when making those very memories, you are in a moment where their import is not as obvious to you as it is when you revisit that certain time/occasion. Such was kind of a case in point for me this Thanksgiving just past. While I realized how happy I was during the day itself, I also knew it would be the last time in the forseeable future when all the people I most love would be gathered together under the 'old' family roof. My kids are now grown and have flown as they were meant to; no ruing or wishing them small again can change that fact. I spent my time getting a good handle on the incredible adults they have become and was able to sit back and enjoy their company on a level that had little to do with being their mom. My newly minted memory will have to suffice as there will be no more of these reunions for me. I will always cherish and be grateful for this splendid incomparable moment in time.

A High Maintenence Man

Much has been said about the 'high maintenence' woman but for some unknown reason her male counterpart has been totally ignored....until now!
The high maintenence man is no myth. He exists and under a mask of anonymity, manages to wreak havoc with any and all who come into contact with him. He is like a Mack truck in the way he barrels ahead ignoring the unsturdy roadblocks he meets along his way and he manages to do this because women are generally not adept enough when it comes to roadblock construction. I think that the only key to surviving this type of man is to build a better roadblock. If you do not become a master builder you risk a lifetime of cooking, cleaning, ego stoking and forced laughter at jokes that aren't really funny. Your free time will be usurped by forced listening to the minutae of his days, and all too soon, you will find your "you" time a thing of the distant past. If you have had a 'H.M.M.' and miraculously manage to get to the point where you can still see the forest for the trees despite the glaring headlights of that truck, do not purchase a plane ticket to Mexico, simply run for the hills/forest and let your high maintenence guy get what he needs most at the first available truck stop.