For Mother's Day Sunday May 11, 2008

When I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to grow up and become a mommy, but in the blissful ignorance of childhood I had no idea what that would entail beyond the requisite adorable bundles of babies that I was so sure I wanted. I clearly gave no thought to actually "having" those babies but I did see myself with fluffy haired wide-eyed cherubs wrapped snugly in soft flannel blankets in tones of pale pastel. I gave no thought to raising these perfect angels but I did see myself bottle feeding my babies (clearly I had no knowledge of breast feeding and its obvious benefits) and making them even fluffier as they lay in their bassinets. I never saw MY babies crying, with diapers that needed changing. I never saw MY babies with colic, they were always smiling..and no it wasn't gas!! I never saw MY babies suffering from the terrible twos. By the same token I never saw MY angst on their first day of school anymore than I saw it when they were finishing school, moving out and leaving their mom behind. I never saw MY babies grown and self-sufficient making their way in the world on their own without their mom pushing them in a pram or leading them by the hand. I always knew that I wanted four children because I was one of four, and after having two miracles, I ended up having three more come into my life. Though I got to help raise them all for a fair amount of time, in what seems like the blink of an eye, all of them have flown away from the nest. I never knew that mom time would pass so quickly. My mom is the greatest mom ever and I didn't even try to be like her because I knew it would not be possible. I never understood it when my mother and father would say that their time with us had sped by much too quickly because although we thought they were the perfect parents, we four couldn't wait to grow up and leave home. Today it all feels like a near perfect circle. The babies are no longer babies but this mom remains a mom albeit a different one. Older, still learning the tricks of the trade and somewhere inside is a very happy little girl whose dreams of becoming a mommy came true.