Saturday Night In The City

You do not fit into the "date night in the city" slot and your alternative options might include watching the hockey final, going to a Yoga class for seniors or doing laundry so when an unexpected invitation to BINGO arrives you find yourself actually considering accepting, it's not as if you were up for scintillating conversation anyway, so why not?? You manage to get to the hall, purchase a dabber, get your stack of game sheets and find a spot all before the 2nd number has been called. For the next 2 hours or so you find yourself in a dabbing frenzy, grateful for both the loudspeakers and clear voices of the callers. You may even fantasize about winning the $4000.00 pot, but for the mostpart you become part of an eclectic crowd who knows just what it is doing. If people watching is for you, then make tracks for your local Bingo hall which is sure to offer all ages, all sizes and shapes and an incredible variety of personalities some of whom invariably end up at your table. You will be pleased with the small snack bar that offers everything from a Philly steak special for a mere $6.50 to a small cheesburger for only $2.62. You can certainly eat, drink and be merry for the same price as a movie, and never feel that on Saturday night, you are out of the loop.

For B.D.L.

When we get old enough to marry and start our families we may think we have become adults but at some point we recognize that to our parents even many moons after we have made them grandparents, we remain children.



You know that you are more or less all grown up when your perceptions undergo a radical shift and you find yourself more concerned with the type of daughter you are than the type of father your dad is. There is a silent starting line that you cross where the daughtering begins in earnest and this allows for your father to become more of a friend and less of a parent while stiill remaining "Dad". The propriety parameters once so distinguishable, change into blurred shadows so that you are never again simply daughter and dad. Your relationship grows on so many levels that although you may look back and be lucky enough to say unequivocably that you had the best dad growing up, you know that what you recall is only one dimensional when compared to what you have had these past years. Who could have predicted that aside from your other half, you would be able to call your father your best friend? One day you will see that you will forever have this special bond and that neither absence nor time will ever be able to break it: when you do, you will finally know what your dad knows and has always known; he has the best daughter/friend.

The First Sleep Over

You have been waiting for this moment since your first meeting and now that the invite has come, it is interesting to note how you really feel on the eve of this momentous occasion; flattered that an invitation has been received, relieved that you are in fact in a canoe and not alone in a kayak, a bit nervous, but a good kind of nervous and most definitely optimistic. What you know for certain is that you will not be driving all the way back from Waterloo tomorrow night and that alone has the power to lift your spirits . Now might be a good time to perhaps check into the condition of your sleepover attire. You must be sure that what gets packed into your oh so discreet weekender is in pristine condition. Crisp cotton pajamas must make an appearance even though you are used to sleeping in less 'formal' garb..( you are saving on a hotel so in the absence of the required 200 thread count pajamas, spring for a pair as you know this is an excellent investment) bathrobe has to be soft, fuzzy, cozy and clean, the same criteria applies to the slippers. ( remember to leave the 'orthotics' in your shoes and not transfer them to your slippers!) Your toothbrush should be new and your hairbrush clean. You must remember to audibly close the door behind you after saying goodnight to be sure you are perceived as appreciative, trustworthy and honourable. You should make every effort not to snore and/or do anything noisy that could prevent a second invitation from being extended.

Number Three Bites The Dust

After an auspicious beginning our valiant dating warrior has narrowed the field and decided to stick with Number One. It can't have been easy to give Number Three the gate but truth be told, if one is to be at all honourable, it had to be done. When considering a relationship it is always wise to assess the growth potential in order to get a truer vision of how things might unfold were you to pursue this avenue....other peoples children can be a sticky point, so you need to decide; you either want them or you don't and the faster you make up your mind, the better, before things go too far and you are like Hansel and Gretel lost without a way back. The kindest way is to shower her with praise and to voice your admiration for how devoted she is as a parent. Then you should remind her -from your own personal experience of course- of how time consuming this matter of single parenting can be making sure to embelish the facts so that even a blind person would clearly see that you are not into it even for the short haul.. If all that she does for her family is deemed so much more important than beginning a relationship with you, she will come away from the "kiss off" meeting feeling only good about herself and you have successfully extricated yourself from a probable disaster with nary a trace of scar tissue!

Second Job

Despite the fact that you have a full time job and no monumental financial woes, you might be interested in a second form of employ provided that it is nothing at all like your first. To broaden your scope and keep you from getting stale, second jobs although they tend to pay considerably less, are perhaps just what the doctor ordered. You get to interact with new people and as such your working environment is akin to being on a honeymoon where everything is new and you are not yet jaded. You are on your best behaviour with an eye toward appearing both interesting and interested so your productivity rate is elevated and your attitude positive.....for the mostpart. You do things at job number two that are almost diametrically opposed to what comprises your daily routine in job number one so that the usual workplace ennui doen't get a chance to surface. This second job is all well and good in the beginning but can become problematic with the passing of time. You will know that the time has come to look into giving your notice when job number two begins to feel like job number one on a really bad day; when your "new" co-workers pull ahead in the 'hard to get along with' race and stop being fun; when your 'new' boss starts to look like your old boss only with bigger horns; when the commute ceases to be an adventure in seeing the big city and turns out to be too time consuming and the new dress code offends your sense of individuality. The second job is like an interlude and while you are free to try it on, you must know that it is almost always temporary. You will be certain that it is over when your everyday colleagues, the same ones you complain bitterly about, start to look good and when you decide that it might be nice to sleep until 9:00 at least one day a week!

Surprise 50th

When planning a milestone birthday for that someone special in your life, why not forgo the old, stuffy, tried and true usual venues and/or the new "trendy" venues where one upmanship and innane gimmicks can easily cause you to lose sight of the essential reasons for the celebration. Go for a surprise party complete with a marching band, balloons and all the trimmings. Granted, this may sound too simple but consider the FUN quotient as you and your guests get to dress up and become the members of the band. Aside from the satisfaction you will derive from seeing Birthday Boy's genuine surprise, you get to fulfill your dream of becoming a performer! There is no intimacy in a restaurant party where you are pretty well stuck between and opposite the same small group all evening, and how many trips can you take to the restroom without people catching on to the fact that in your opinion the conversation has either dried up like a raisin in the sun with no chance of revival or your hearing loss has kicked in? Far better to surprise Birthday Boy at work when he least expects a throng of his nearest and dearest to cross the threshold of his store marching to their own beat bearing great bunches of helium balloons, the de rigeur gourmet food platters, a touch of bubbly and caring little for any innocent customers who get in the way. Happy 50th Mr. R.

You Were Wrong To Delay

It is always a pleasant surprise when you find out that doing something you were certain held no appeal whatsoever, is in fact not the ordeal you had been dreading. What can be even more surprising is how unbeknownst to you, your opinion has shifted to such a degree that once you actually get to it, you derive pleasure from what you had previously shifed to the back burner. Writing a blog can certainly cause feelings of trepidation but only around the areas of subject matter and content because of course you never really doubt your ability to express youreslf much do you? As daunting as writing a daily blog can be, once you find your rhythm it becomes less frightening whereas if you do the occasional piece of writing but have signed on for a certain number of postings you become the King/Queen of excuses; not today, too tired, no great ideas, cat has worms, first day of the soccer season, hot weekend date, tickets for the theatre, new restaurant to try or the old standby, my computer is in the shop! (mine REALLY is in the shop) Writing affords you the luxury of small forays into your past and allows you on some mysterious level to relive a moment that you have not thought about in eons, a moment that shines and whose brilliance you would not be seeing again anytime soon were it not for the writing. For me, this is enough of a reason to write as often as I can.

Fondue??? ( D.N. )

Just in case you see the error of your ways insofar as forbidden fruit goes, you might consider joining forces with an honest chocolate lover who has learned the art of moderation. The best possible combination is a fondue of formerly forbidden fruit (before it reaches its expiration date of course) and chocolate, but obviously not just any chocolate, you must never settle for anything less than the top of the line with the highest percentage of cocoa. If you choose fondue in a timely manner, you might be able to legitimize your operation before drastic measures are required and you have no choice but to enter the Witness Protection Program. I leave you with only one cautionary note; no double dipping!!!!Happy Victoria Day.

How To Hide Your Stash Of Forbidden Fruit, Chocolate, etc.etc.

Everyone has at least something to hide but more often than not there are things that we need to be hiding from ourselves. For a variety of reasons, hiding can be and often is an excellent means of self-preservation. We can hide how we really look when we see ourselves in the mirror with an affirming statement such as, " gee I look pretty good for a 64 year old!" We can hide how annoying we find certain colleagues by saying that we are lucky to work with people "most" of whom are positive forces in our work places. We can choose to hide our heads in the sand and not see the disturbing qualities -that seem to multiply with time- in certain family members and friends. We can hide our fears by working on our bravado skills until we really are not as afraid as we once were. We can hide just about anything from anyone and depending on the level of our hiding prowess, we can be really good at it. The trick though, is to hide and not seek if you want the ultimate hiding experience. Let's say that you love chocolate and although you should lower your consumption rate, you are lacking in the willpower department. You can always stash your chocolate as you would your forbidden fruit. The crucial difference between the chocolate and the fruit is that you must not seek out the chocolate in the willy nilly manner that you seek out the fruit. You will have to develop an honour system where chocolate is concerned-this is clearly not a possible option for your forbidden fruit- You need to determine just how much of the chocolate is truly necessary and after you have come up with a consumption schedule you can hide that chocolate safe in the knowledge that you are now on the road to becoming less self absorbed and more sensible in your dalliances with cocoa. As for the forbidden fruit, so far it has been proven that hidden away fruit is perishable and goes bad a lot faster than properly refrigerated fruit which can and should be left out in the open not only because it has nothing to hide.

For Mother's Day Sunday May 11, 2008

When I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to grow up and become a mommy, but in the blissful ignorance of childhood I had no idea what that would entail beyond the requisite adorable bundles of babies that I was so sure I wanted. I clearly gave no thought to actually "having" those babies but I did see myself with fluffy haired wide-eyed cherubs wrapped snugly in soft flannel blankets in tones of pale pastel. I gave no thought to raising these perfect angels but I did see myself bottle feeding my babies (clearly I had no knowledge of breast feeding and its obvious benefits) and making them even fluffier as they lay in their bassinets. I never saw MY babies crying, with diapers that needed changing. I never saw MY babies with colic, they were always smiling..and no it wasn't gas!! I never saw MY babies suffering from the terrible twos. By the same token I never saw MY angst on their first day of school anymore than I saw it when they were finishing school, moving out and leaving their mom behind. I never saw MY babies grown and self-sufficient making their way in the world on their own without their mom pushing them in a pram or leading them by the hand. I always knew that I wanted four children because I was one of four, and after having two miracles, I ended up having three more come into my life. Though I got to help raise them all for a fair amount of time, in what seems like the blink of an eye, all of them have flown away from the nest. I never knew that mom time would pass so quickly. My mom is the greatest mom ever and I didn't even try to be like her because I knew it would not be possible. I never understood it when my mother and father would say that their time with us had sped by much too quickly because although we thought they were the perfect parents, we four couldn't wait to grow up and leave home. Today it all feels like a near perfect circle. The babies are no longer babies but this mom remains a mom albeit a different one. Older, still learning the tricks of the trade and somewhere inside is a very happy little girl whose dreams of becoming a mommy came true.

Family Reunion

Many of us are leery when faced with the prospect of an upcoming reunion, especially when the stakeholders are your sibs with whom you maintain a healthy but long distance relationship. There is a milestone patriarchal birthday to be celebrated and as you push your feelings of trepidation to the back of your mind, you are able to convince yourself that the great rapport you now share with your brothers has nothing to do with the physical distance between you. You feel that because you are now adults, there will be no more sibling rivalry, only love and appreciation for who you have become and that au fond you are the same closely knit brothers you once were growing up together in the little cottage by the sea that you called home. You forget the teenage to young adult years of numerous boxing sessions both verbal and physical and you remember only the laughter as you make your travel plans with scarcely any misgivings at all. If your luck holds, you will sail through the weekend with no instances of name-calling, confrontation, recrimination or familiar jealousy and you will rediscover the joy of family. You will recapture the love and laughter and find that you CAN go home again.

Continuing Dysfunctionality

Alas and alack, poor Yorrick the computer remains incommunicado as a result of latent usury by certain jumbo stores who have no trouble selling but have a great deal of trouble servicing what they sell. In view of and in conjunction with the EXTENDED "repair" time, (not to be confused with the EXTENDED warranty) there will be an EXTENDED period of sporadic postings for the next several weeks.

After The Winnowing

You have successfully winnowed and are left with numbers One and Three without a concrete plan for what to do next.....How do you find that perfect zone that lies mysteriously between not too fast and disinterested? How do you become a juggler so late in the game and how can we ask you to do more than you already do? You run marathons, FISH, winnow, etc. etc. so perhaps we are expecting too much...It would appear that you now have the ideal situation with Number One on the road a lot and Number Three conveniently away when Number One is here so the juggling skills you require are on a much smaller scale which is a good thing. There does however appear to be one other skill you may want to acquire. You have come to realize that you are stretched a little too thin and therefore need to recoup some "me" time. I think that the best way to do this is to become adept at RELEASE. Yes, this is indeed a well known term/strategy most often associated with fishing but every REAL "SPORTS"man know in his heart that if release is done properly, it will adapt well and be equally as effective when used post winnowing as well. Just think of the time you would save if you were brave enough to release the catch (after CLOSE inspection of course) and go with the frontrunner. Imagine how easy it could be to find the time to visit the DECOR center, pick the granite, the upgraded wood and still have time left to telephone your sister!

Catch and Release

Now that the fishing season is upon us, we review the fishing laws and find that there is a quota on Rainbow Trout. This year, while we may continue to fish to our heart's content we are legally allowed to keep only two. This is a very sensible addendum to the rules and regs as it allows for greater conservation/preservation of the aquatic world without taking anything away from the sport. I think that it might be beneficial to the conservation/preservation of our species if a quota was an addendum to the dating rules and regs that exist under the fishing umbrella. Consider how well it could work out if our quota of keepers was one! This new quota might scare some, and may be perceived as prohibitive upon first reading, but as you become used to the new lay of the land/sea?you will be gratified to realize that there is absolutely no reason not to continue to engage in the hunt, oops fishing experience. You will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment as your adherence to the quota supports conservation/preservation of the human world. Over time you will become masters of finesse and experts at catch and release.