A High Maintenence Man

Much has been said about the 'high maintenence' woman but for some unknown reason her male counterpart has been totally ignored....until now!
The high maintenence man is no myth. He exists and under a mask of anonymity, manages to wreak havoc with any and all who come into contact with him. He is like a Mack truck in the way he barrels ahead ignoring the unsturdy roadblocks he meets along his way and he manages to do this because women are generally not adept enough when it comes to roadblock construction. I think that the only key to surviving this type of man is to build a better roadblock. If you do not become a master builder you risk a lifetime of cooking, cleaning, ego stoking and forced laughter at jokes that aren't really funny. Your free time will be usurped by forced listening to the minutae of his days, and all too soon, you will find your "you" time a thing of the distant past. If you have had a 'H.M.M.' and miraculously manage to get to the point where you can still see the forest for the trees despite the glaring headlights of that truck, do not purchase a plane ticket to Mexico, simply run for the hills/forest and let your high maintenence guy get what he needs most at the first available truck stop.

The Last/Lost Weekend

When you have a huge investment whose success or failure hinges on a 'weekend' it would not be hard to understand the following:
No matter your hopes for a positive result, you need to wait and see. While waiting it would be perfectly understandable for you to engage in any manner of second guessing but not realistic to expect the outcome you most want. If you are at all pragmatic, a good way to be, you will need to acknowledge the distinct probability (more than a fleeting possibility)that you will in fact not have things go your way and that in the end, the weekend has the power to irrevocably change the course that you had so carefully charted for yourself. It is always dicey when you are not the sole author of your own big decisions, but if and when you find yourself in this type of situation, you can only bide your time and look deep inside for the optimist you know yourself to be; then you will best be able to handle whatever comes your way.

The Organic Berry Bar

In these fiscally challenging times how wonderful to find when visiting The Organic Berry Bar a well known drinking hole in the neighbourhood, a plethora of newly minted libations that reflect these uncertain times when recession and ecological concerns are at the forefront of virtually everything. I was most pleased to see the following offerings written on the giant display chalkboard:



Green Sidecar

Hydroponic Bloody Mary

Tax Free Martini (with a rebate twist)

Anti-Aging Sloe Gin Fizz

Long Island Anti Oxident Iced Tea

Recyclable Coconut Shell Pina Colada

...........................................

To list but a few.
How rewarding and perhaps instrumental in the decline of the number of alcoholic drinks sold in this bar!


*Newly available exclsively at our Iqaluit branch, Global Warming Arctic Ice Vodka

On The Road...Again

When you feel like you must get away but aren't sure of logistics and don't feel like planning, simply throw the bare necessities into a weekender (you'll not need more)grab some healthy snacks and some bottled water, hop into your chariot (any reliable set of wheels will do)and voila, you're on the road! You drive until you reach a spot that tugs at your innards asking you to rest awhile and that is the first stop on your jaunt. Not planned, not orchestrated by anything sensible or mundane; a new place and the beginning of a future memory. This type of travel will afford you an incredible lightness of being and and will deal with your wanderlust at the same time, un unbeatable combination. As you travel the roads, listen to a copious amount of songs by Johnny Hartman and no matter where you roam, don't listen to country music or you'll end up heading back home.. prematurely.

Fish'n Chips and Other Fast Food

You see a t.v. ad and you think wow, finally an authentic British-like Fish 'n Chips place where the batter doesn't dwarf the fish which would of course be moist as opposed to sere, but no, as good as it looked, as well endorsed as it was, this place in the downtown area was definitely not even worth the drive. Picture the lone fish guy emerging from beyond your eyeview, (rear of the joint) and without so much as a misting of soap and water, beginning to prepare your order. The phone rings and the gloveless wonder answers it while 'prepping' our fish. He has no attention to spare should we have any specific requests and when his conversation ends you may request "light" batter" but that would only produce an annoyed response. "Why didn't you say so before?" (2 min. prior)When you respond that he was otherwise occupied his voice goes up a few decibels as he insists you could have interrupted him if it was important. He then begins a lengthy monologue; "I have no more light battered halibut, I suppose you want me to waste a perfectly good piece of fish (in the fryer for maybe 3 secs.)I don't want to argue, maybe you'd be happy getting your money back" at which point I catapulted my voice into his soliloquoy and said YES PLEASE! The same unwashed hand returned our money with a final caveat from tattoo boy, " I don't want you as customers anyway" Chippy's now joins the long list of fast food places where the ever vigilent consumer must 'gently' remind the prep person to wash those hands especially if the gloves are off!

Baby It's Hot Outside

With the humidex we expect 45 degrees cel. today, what a bonus especially if you're like me and HATE the heat as much as you hate the humidity. I plan to remain indoors in the A.C. zone for as long as this heat wave lasts which kind of puts the kibosh on geting outside to "enjoy" the summer season. So, no more, watching baseball in the park,walking along the shore with an ice cream cone (melting cone)or cycling around the many scenic bike paths etc.etc. I have no choice but to avoid the great outdoors unless I am going for the sweaty look and the sticky feel, I am so NOT!! Living here we all know about seasonal hibernation which normally occurs during the winter when temps. get so low that in the best interest of self-preservation we remain wrapped up at home in front of our fireplaces or space heaters. Summer brings with it hopes of light, air, (no smog...)and infinitely less clothing so it stands to reason that thoughts of summer bring feelings of freedom. For me when it is this hot, summer fills me with dread. No muscle tops, short shorts or flip flops can protect me from the overwhelming feeling of sweatiness and discomfort. I learned early on that unlike winter, summer allows for absolutely not enough unravelling of clothing layers unless you choose to spend it in a nudist colony...not me!

John Cleese Is Ill

Must have been a whopper of an illness to prevent the advertised m.c. of tonights gala from showing. When one of the festival organizers stepped onto the stage to announce that Cleese was too sick to perform, everyone initially suspected this to be a ruse or a joke lead in intro.. but no, it was actually true and it was a festival first to boot. The stand-in host did his best but for us, the bloom was off the rose. We watched countless comics but were amused by only a few. I thought this was due to the initial sense of 'let down' or disappointment, but as I look back on this gala, it becomes clear that it was due to a general lack of great comedy.